Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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