why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
