K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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