My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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