Duck Duck Cougar?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
