are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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