Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
