Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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