Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize