1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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