its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
