I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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