My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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