just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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