Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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