found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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