nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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