he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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