just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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