I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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