I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
