Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
