If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
