Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
