Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.

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  (917) And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater. http://tfl.nu/gzmt
  Replies (2) Good night (1030) Bad night (535)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Its not alright that i make out with a manican.

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  (404): Its not alright that i make out with a manican. http://tfl.nu/ol2k
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (900)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies

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  (609): not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies http://tfl.nu/jxw6
  Replies (15) Good night (1278) Bad night (2839)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  did you answer or finish?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  both

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  (404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called? (1-404): did you answer or finish? (404): both http://tfl.nu/gzoz
  Replies (27) Good night (7390) Bad night (1012)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  her facebook's as public as her vagina

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  (803): her facebook's as public as her vagina http://tfl.nu/w3ii
  Replies (43) Good night (3173) Bad night (2549)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
  Replies (77) Good night (4662) Bad night (890)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

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  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
  Replies (16) Good night (3682) Bad night (1348)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

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  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8745) Bad night (1624)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go

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  (917): Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go http://tfl.nu/7nhi
  Replies (4) Good night (3095) Bad night (1137)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.

  (415): View more from California

  Why?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.

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  (206): My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now. (415): Why? (206): Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch. http://tfl.nu/7w51
  Replies (15) Good night (1736) Bad night (4307)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

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  (317): A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some. http://tfl.nu/08yo
  Replies (14) Good night (7103) Bad night (1114)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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  (551): Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me http://tfl.nu/723s
  Replies (9) Good night (874) Bad night (1673)
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  (916): View more from California

  Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.

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  (916): Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless. http://tfl.nu/cdoe
  Replies (9) Good night (2981) Bad night (870)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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  (251): Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record. http://tfl.nu/akbh
  Replies (19) Good night (1757) Bad night (734)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

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  (815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi
  Replies (10) Good night (1450) Bad night (771)

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