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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah...you probably will...

  (248): View more from Michigan

  well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  how can getting a pizza be this hard?

  (817): View more from Texas

  when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.

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• (650): View more from California

  He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!

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• (585): View more from New York

  He called me kiddo. We can't have sex

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