The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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