Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
