Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!

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  (503): she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!! http://tfl.nu/wu20
  Replies (35) Good night (5087) Bad night (678)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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  (478): tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid http://tfl.nu/h4uf
  Replies (9) Good night (3546) Bad night (587)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (5146) Bad night (1173)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.

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  (317): Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat. http://tfl.nu/3hve
  Replies (11) Good night (2646) Bad night (885)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8987) Bad night (1218)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.

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  (267): I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/0qfz
  Replies (25) Good night (5517) Bad night (1151)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

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  (514): It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far http://tfl.nu/0vof
  Replies (37) Good night (1729) Bad night (4528)
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  (415): View more from California

  I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.

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  (415): I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food. http://tfl.nu/ruld
  Replies (6) Good night (2236) Bad night (979)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?

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  (705): Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right? http://tfl.nu/0t3q
  Replies (20) Good night (3551) Bad night (957)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now

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  (954): I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now http://tfl.nu/o3a4
  Replies (8) Good night (1977) Bad night (667)
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  (831): View more from California

  I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.

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  (831): I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting. http://tfl.nu/2s6l
  Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (485)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.

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  (816): Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again. http://tfl.nu/9z7k
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (1037)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.

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  (941): Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants. http://tfl.nu/rame
  Replies (31) Good night (1311) Bad night (495)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.

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  (303): I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process. http://tfl.nu/smqj
  Replies (1) Good night (536) Bad night (318)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.

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  (775): Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome. http://tfl.nu/b3ha
  Replies (8) Good night (862) Bad night (210)

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