i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.