ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone