i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
