my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
