Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
