Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
