tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
