I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
