summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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