Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
