hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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