What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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