And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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