I just threw up on my dentist
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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