You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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