Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
