I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
