tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
did i just pee glitter
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