Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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