Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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