is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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