dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
