When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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