i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
