He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
