Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
