I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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