when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
