So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
