I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
