She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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