We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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