Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
