you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
