Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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