Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
