Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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