You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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