1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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