At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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