Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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