She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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