This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
