i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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