my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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