I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
