tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
