Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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