We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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