Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Panties = found
Randomize
