Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
