did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
