I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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