did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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