Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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